Demonic Overlords
A First War musical based on Sondheim's Pacific Overtures
The Adversities of Fighting 'Gainst the Riddle Anime.....
Image © 2001 by Yumeioku
The Adversities of Fighting 'Gainst the Riddle Anime.....
Image © 2001 by Yumeioku
Copyright 2007 by Caius Marcius
This musical is based on the 1976 original Broadway cast recording. It is gratefully dedicated to Bandersnatch, who generously provided me with invaluable encouragement and keen editorial guidance.
To the tune of The Advantages of Floating in the Middle of the Sea
THE SCENE: The Ministry of Magic, during the late 1970s. A CHORUS OF MINISTRY OFFICIALS confess that the First War Against Voldemort is not going well (just as the Second won't be going well in Year Six)
CHORUS OF MINISTRY OFFICIALS:
In a battle for the world we fight
'Gainst the Riddle enemy
The brutalities have been a blight
From the Riddle Enemy
He'll be beaten somehow,
Death not Eaten somehow,
Hoist on his petard,
He will go down hard,
Once he's caught off-guard
Someday, some way, not now.
Now we just scream
Yes ... the Lestranges make us scream!
A SINGLE OFFICIAL
We sit inside to scream
And hide from You-Know-Who
Who's growing more extreme
Unleashing horrors new.
His evil team
Does now propose
An evil scheme
To do in foes
His mean regime we must yet oppose
Though no relief in sight
And woe and grief are set,
But he'll be beaten somehow….
CHORUS OF MINISTRY OFFICIALS
Not yet!
As the Ministers have all dispersed
From the Riddle Enemy
The adversities are growing worse
'Gainst the Riddle enemy.
Scrimgeour's bumbling something
Umbridge mumbling something
We're on the attack,
Voldy soon will crack,
He'll be beaten back
Someday, somehow, not now.
Now he plans vice!
A SINGLE OFFICIAL (spoken)
Yes ... the bewitchment with his vice!
The Dark Lord does arise
The Darkest Arts arise
The Death Eaters arise.
The Inferi arise
The Ministry decrees
Against all the DEs
And passes new laws to stop his cause
Which have all been ignored by the evil Dark Lord
CHORUS OF MINISTRY OFFICIALS
Not nice!
A SINGLE OFFICIAL
He Eats more Death and then
He's hungry once again…..
CHORUS OF MINISTRY OFFICIALS
Will he stop Eating today?
No way!
The adversities just grow and grow
'Gainst the Riddle enemy
As it's You-Know-Who who we all know
Who's our Riddle enemy
Ev'ry day a new defeat
Aurors strike but soon retreat
Life and death are but forces he controls
His gaunt face shows
No nose.
He makes us scream,
Takes a life,
Augments his powers,
Builds our tomb,
Indulges graft,
Takes a life,
Arranges terror for today to fight,
Make us scream,
Exploits his peons,
Casts the curse
Exploits the fools,
Takes more life,
Arranges terror that he'll launch today,
To fight.
The building of the tomb
The taking of a life
The casting of the curse,
The pain in which we scream
We fight.
SEMI-CHORUS ONE (AND TWO)
The building of the tomb
The casting of the curse,
The taking of a life (The waving of his wand)
The seizing of our will (We fight)
The evil of his deeds
We fight. (The pain in which he makes us scream)
The building of the tomb (The coldness of his laugh)
The taking of a life (The pain in which he makes us scream)
The converse with the snake (We fight.)
The seizing of our will
The pain in which ... (The casting of the curse)
We fight ...
A SINGLE OFFICIAL (spoken):
We fight ...
It Is An Evil Way
To the tune of There Is No Other Way
THE SCENE: A deep underground chamber in VOLDEMORT'S undisclosed location. The Dark Lord prepares to make another Horcrux, as he ritualistically prepares to slay Order of the Phoenix member DORCAS MEADOWES
VOLDEMORT
DORCAS MEADOWES
VOLDEMORT
MEADOWES
VOLDEMORT
MEADOWES
VOLDEMORT
MEADOWES
VOLDEMORT
MEADOWES is killed by VOLDEMORT'S AK, but she rises as an Inferi as VOLDEMORT stores his newest soul fragment
MEADOWES (as an Inferius)
VOLDEMORT
VOLDEMORT & MEADOWES
Fierce Black Waggin'
To the tune of Four Black Dragons
THE SCENE: Queerditch Marsh. Fortunately, all is not lost for the forces of good - Death Eaters JUGSON and MULCIBER tell how they were apprehended by four of the Dark Lord's fiercest opponents...
JUGSON:
And there came,
MULCIBER:
JUGSON:
MULCIBER:
JUGSON:
MULCIBER:
JUGSON:
MULCIBER:
JUGSON:
MULCIBER:
JUGSON:
MULCIBER:
JUGSON:
MULCIBER:
JUGSON:
MULCIBER:
JUGSON:
BOTH:
MULCIBER:
And Prongs pinned me with his antlers
CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS
MULCIBER:
CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS
MULCIBER and (JUGSON):
SIRIUS:
The Prophesied Sign
To the tune of Chrysanthemum Tea
THE SCENE: VOLDEMORT'S inner sanctum. Top Aide LUCIUS MALFOY brings disturbing news.
NOTE: In this dramatization, I am positing that at this point in time, VOLDEMORT has met the Longbottoms three times, but the Potters only twice. In spite of that VOLDEMORT is intuiting that the Potters are his true enemies, while MALFOY argues from the factual basis that The Dark Lord has only faced them on two occasions.
LUCIUS
Shall I now testify, my Lord? -
It's the sign, my Lord,
Does the Dark Lord see this crisis?
VOLDEMORT conjures the SPIRIT OF GRINDELWALD to identify the best candidate to undertake the secret espionage
SPIRIT OF GRINDELWALD
Dark Marks
Ahhhhhhhhhh …
LUCIUS
We on Snape did rely
It's the sign, my Lord,
If we do the deed they dare did
VOLDEMORT & LUCIUS listen to an IMAGE OF TRELAWNEY retrieved from Snape's mission
IMAGE OF TRELAWNEY
His parents thrice escaped your claws
Hostile is your relationship
LUCIUS:
It's the sign, my Lord,
Uncertain, VOLDEMORT conjures the SPIRIT OF SALAZAR SLYTHERIN to determine where the true threat lies. SALAZAR'S response is cryptic.
SPIRIT OF SALAZAR SLYTHERIN:
Half-blood
LUCIUS:
It's the sign, my Lord,
VOLDEMORT
Spells
To the tune of Poems
THE SCENES: At widely separated locations, LORD VOLDEMORT & ALBUS DUMBLEDORE simultaneously attempt the same magic feat: a spell to secure the loyalty of a double agent engaged in highly hazardous espionage. (Of course, as you well know, the effect of the spell is ruined if the wizard utters the agent's name)
VOLDEMORT:
DUMBLEDORE:
VOLDEMORT:
DUMBLEDORE:
VOLDEMORT:
DUMBLEDORE:
VOLDEMORT:
DUMBLEDORE:
VOLDEMORT:
DUMBLEDORE:
VOLDEMORT:
DUMBLEDORE:
VOLDEMORT:
DUMBLEDORE:
BOTH:
Son,
DUMBLEDORE:
VOLDEMORT:
DUMBLEDORE:
VOLDEMORT:
DUMBLEDORE:
VOLDEMORT:
DUMBLEDORE:
VOLDEMORT:
DUMBLEDORE:
BOTH:
Warfare in Godric's Hollow
To the tune of Welcome to Kanagawa
THE SCENE: Before the Potters' residence in Godric's Hollow. As JAMES AND LILY are about to enter their dwelling, three figures in torn and ragged Death Eater robes Apparate on to the scene -
FIRST "DEATH EATER" (spoken, in a mincing, effeminate tone)
(music) I'm on an unofficial venture
SECOND "DEATH EATER":
FIRST "DEATH EATER":
THIRD "DEATH EATER":
FIRST "DEATH EATER":
JAMES uses his wand to unmask them - it is of course another prank by SIRIUS, accompanied by PETER and REMUS. Despite their humorous entry, their concern for the Potters is acute.
JAMES (laughing)
SIRIUS:
REMUS (spoken):
SIRIUS (spoken):
(music) Warfare in Godric's Hollow.
MARAUDERS & LILY:
SIRIUS:
MARAUDERS & LILY:
REMUS:
JAMES & SIRIUS (mockingly)
PETER (not getting the joke):
JAMES (taking out his Invisibility Cloak)
SIRIUS (mockingly)
LILY (brandishing a flask of Felix Felicis):
REMUS:
JAMES
SIRIUS (mockingly)
LILY:
SIRIUS, REMUS & PETER:
MARAUDERS & LILY:
Warfare in Godric's Hollow!
SIRIUS:
MARAUDERS & LILY:
PETER:
SIRIUS (spoken):
PETER:
SIRIUS, REMUS & PETER:
While the three Marauders sing, LILY whispers something in JAMES' ear
JAMES (greatly surprised):
SIRIUS, REMUS & PETER:
LILY (gesturing toward her stomach):
SIRIUS, REMUS & PETER:
JAMES (embracing Lily):
SIRIUS, REMUS & PETER:
LILY (conjuring up knitting needles and a pair of blue booties):
SIRIUS, REMUS & PETER:
JAMES & LILY:
Meeting Number Three
To the tune of Someone In a Tree
THE SCENE: PROFESOR TRELAWNEY'S classroom, a few days later. Toward the end of term, she is testing a third-year student, when she suddenly falls into a prophetic trance, during which she receives a vision of events at Godric's Hollow - a vision which may or may not be totally accurate or reliable…….
TRELAWNEY:
STUDENT:
TRELAWNEY:
STUDENT:
TRELAWNEY:
STUDENT:
TRELAWNEY:
STUDENT:
TRELAWNEY:
STUDENT:
TRELAWNEY:
STUDENT:
TRELAWNEY:
STUDENT:
The Inner Eye transports TRELAWNEY to Godric's Hollow, accompanied by the STUDENT. LORD VOLDEMORT steps forward.
VOLDEMORT:
TRELAWNEY & VOLDEMORT:
TRELAWNEY:
VOLDEMORT:
TRELAWNEY:
Enter JAMES & LILY
JAMES
LILY:
STUDENT:
TRELAWNEY:
TRELAWNEY & STUDENT:
TRELAWNEY:
VOLDEMORT:
Enter RODOLPHUS LESTRANGE & LUCIUS MALFOY
RODOLPHUS:
LUCIUS:
VOLDEMORT:
RODOLPHUS:
JAMES & LILY:
VOLDEMORT:
TRELAWNEY:
ALL:
VOLDEMORT:
LUCIUS:
VOLDEMORT, RODOLPHUS & LUCIUS:
TRELAWNEY:
RODOLPHUS & LUCIUS:
VOLDEMORT:
VOLDEMORT, RODOLPHUS & LUCIUS:
Enter SIRIUS, LUPIN & PETER
SIRIUS:
LUPIN:
SIRIUS:
LUPIN:
JAMES & LILY:
PETER (off-stage):
TRELAWNEY:
PETER (off-stage):
TRELAWNEY:
PETER (off-stage):
TRELAWNEY:
PETER (off-stage):
TRELAWNEY:
PETER (off-stage):
TRELAWNEY:
PETER:
STUDENT:
TRELAWNEY (to STUDENT):
STUDENT:
TRELAWNEY:
SIRIUS:
LUPIN:
TRELAWNEY:
SIRIUS:
LUPIN:
STUDENT:
TRELAWNEY:
VOLDEMORT gradually realizes that if he withdraws from this battle, then the Potters will have successfully defied him three times, meaning that he can legitimately target them in accordance with TRELAWNEY'S prophecy
VOLDEMORT (to himself):
VOLDEMORT & his allies withdraw. TRELAWNEY, VOLDEMORT & THE STUDENT sing their next verses simultaneously
TRELAWNEY:
VOLDEMORT:
STUDENT:
VOLDEMORT, TRELAWNEY & STUDENT:
In Hollow
To the tune of Please Hello
THE SCENE: The Malfoy Manor. At VOLDEMORT'S behest, prominent DEATH EATERS are conferring to devise a plan to locate the Potters, now under Secret Keeper protection. LUCIUS, as chairman, welcomes the group.
LUCIUS:
Death Eaters finding Potter? If so,
Last time the Potters did flee
CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS:
LUCIUS:
CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS:
LUCIUS:
CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS:
LUCIUS:
CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS:
LUCIUS:
LUCIUS bangs his gavel to formally begin the summit. Unfortunately, for his house-elf Dobby, who is compelled to serve as Malfoy's podium
Toward Hollow!
LUCIUS bangs his gavel on Dobby's head again
Eaters find solution? If so,
This is how arrangements are made:
LUCIUS draws a name out of a hat
Rookwood.
BARTY CROUCH (echoing):
MACNAIR (echoing):
KARKAROFF (echoing):
BELLATRIX (echoing):
LUCIUS:
ROOKWOOD:
LUCIUS:
ROOKWOOD:
LUCIUS:
ROOKWOOD:
CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS:
LUCIUS (annoyed):
ROOKWOOD (apologetically):
LUCIUS (rolling his eyes):
ROOKWOOD:
CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS
ROOKWOOD:
Disappointed murmurs from the CHORUS. LUCIUS bangs his gavel
CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS
More murmurs from the CHORUS. LUCIUS bangs his gavel
ROOKWOOD:
LUCIUS (drawing the second name out of his hat):
MACNAIR (from the back of the room):
LUCIUS:
MACNAIR (stepping forward):
Go everywhere
Since this plan sounds like it will require a lot of overtime from everyone, we hear disapproving murmurs from the CHORUS. LUCIUS bangs his gavel to restore order.
LUCIUS:
|
| ROOKWOOD:
KARKAROFF: (stepping forward)
MACNAIR:
LUCIUS:
ROOKWOOD:
KARKAROFF:
MACNAIR
LUCIUS (aside, indicating Karkaroff):
ROOKWOOD:
KARKAROFF:
Win we can
Fair is foul
Excited murmurs from the CHORUS, who approve of this plan. ROOKWOOD and MACNAIR do not. LUCIUS bangs his gavel
But not the rat!
Excited murmurs from the CHORUS. LUCIUS bangs his gavel
Get welcome mat.
| ROOKWOOD:
|
| MACNAIR:
|
| LUCIUS (drawing another name):
The glamorous BELLATRIX makes her way toward the front, blowing kisses as she comes forward
CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS:
BELLATRIX:
Would you now have him ID'd
It's rodent! Wee rodent!
A rodent! A rodent!
Excited murmurs from the CHORUS. LUCIUS bangs his gavel
Give the Potters one last wave…
Excited murmurs from the CHORUS. LUCIUS bangs his gavel
Pete will send them to their grave…
CHORUS is getting giddy. LUCIUS bangs his gavel to restore order
A rodent! Wee rodent!
BELLATRIX conjures up her Pensieve, from which she summons an image of PETTIGREW'S cowardly dithering
PETTIGREW (as Pensieve image):
BELLATRIX:
Everybody sings simultaneously. BELLATRIX, LUCIUS & CHORUS are joyfully delirious, ROOKWOOD is lukewarm, while MACNAIR and KARKAROFF are sulking over their respective failures
| PETTIGREW:
| Tion, I'm too weak
|
| BELLATRIX:
|
| MACNAIR:
|
| ROOKWOOD:
|
| LUCIUS:
|
| KARKAROFF:
LUCIUS, BELLATRIX & CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS:
To Hollow! We must go,
Exit all
A Loyal Rat
To the tune of A Bowler Hat
THE SCENE: Near Godric's Hollow. Preparing to report to Order of the Phoenix HQ, SIRIUS broods uneasily over his unilateral decision to make PETER the Secret Keeper.
SIRIUS:
He's such a loyal rat.
Segue to LORD VOLDEMORT, in his secret lair, gloating over his imminent triumph over the Potters
VOLDEMORT:
I'll cut a second notch
Segue to PETER, drinking heavily by himself in a drab and dingy Muggle pub
PETER:
See all these obstacles -
I'd like to run away …
Exit PETER, to the city streets. He transforms himself into a rodent and vanishes into the sewers.
Pretty Lily
To the tune of Pretty Lady
THE SCENE: The Potters' cottage at Godric's Hollow, the afternoon of October 31, 1980. Lily is alone in the parlor. Unknown to her, ALECTO, AMYCUS & FENRIR GREYBACK enter beneath an Invisibility Cloak - Voldemort has dispatched them to confirm the location.
ALECTO
AMYCUS
James Potter enters, carrying baby Harry. As the three join together, the DEATH EATERS address each of them in verses sung simultaneously
GREYBACK
|
| ALECTO
|
| AMYCUS
ALL THREE DEATH EATERS
GREYBACK
ALECTO & GREYBACK
AMYCUS
ALL THREE
AMYCUS
GREYBACK
ALECTO
AMYCUS
GREYBACK
ALECTO
Hexed!
To the tune of Next
THE SCENE: Before the Potters' residence in Godric Hollow. A CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS are exultant as the Dark Lord prepares to destroy his predestined adversary.
VOLDEMORT: (spoken, over motoric music) I am Lord Voldemort - rise and listen! Rise! By our way of pogroms, we will turn our backs of benevolent ways. We will kill them all in feuds and duels, eliminate all obstacles which hinder our be-devilment. We will shatter the Wizarding World into irreparable fragments, just as I have done to my own soul.
CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS:
Hate is growing …
Spells of cursing,
Dark Mark shining
End of Dumble
Aurors humbled
Sing the song and
ELDERLY DEATH EATER (spoken)
CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS:
Wizards fleeing,
Voldemort slays little Harry.
As VOLDEMORT enters the Potters' residence, SEVERAL DEATH EATERS rattle off reams of triumphal statistics
FIRST DEATH EATER (spoken)
ALL (music):
SECOND DEATH EATER (spoken)
ALL (music):
THIRD DEATH EATER (spoken)
ALL (music):
FOURTH DEATH EATER (spoken)
ALL (music):
FIFTH DEATH EATER (spoken)
ALL (music):
SIXTH DEATH EATER (spoken)
ALL (music):
The Potters' residence collapses in a sudden silent explosion. Confidently awaiting their master's reappearance out of the billowing clouds of smoke, THE CHORUS rejoices
CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS:
But as the smoke settles, it is not VOLDEMORT who emerges, but the toddler Harry Potter, bawling in fear. Also stepping out of the smoke is HAGRID, who scoops the frightened child into his arms. Ignoring the DEATH EATERS, he calmly addresses the reader.
HAGRID: (spoken)
CHORUS OF DEATH EATERS (fleeing in terror):
The lore lost, the spell strays
The soul dies and life decays
I must prepare for my departure
It is an evil way.
The lore found, the spell stays
The soul splits, long life I praise
I must expect to find no mercy
It is your evil way.
The foe pleads, her strength sways
The Lord laughs in manic craze
I make Horcruxes
It is his evil way.
The curse cast, the wand slays
The soul torn to win more days
I make Horcruxes
I see the tomb a-waiting.
The wand shines with green rays
The foe dies through AKs
It is my evil way
I am prepared your will to serve
You shall receive from me no challenge.
The Lord lives, the flames blaze
The soul torn in locket lays.
It is my/your evil way
It is my/your evil way
I was stomping on an elf
Near the cliffs
At Queerditch Marsh
We were making the Dark Mark
'Gainst the evening moon.
It was time to watch him die
As things were getting hot,
And I stopped to wave my wand
And by accident I turned
And I chanced to see ...
Barking like a dog,
Baying like a hound
Fierce Black's cycle,
Burning rubber!
And he zoomed
Hogging up the road,
Roaring down the lane
As his wheels whirled,
"Fierce Black's cycle,
Burning rubber!"
And the bike rumbled,
And the air smoked,
And I thought it was my end as it roared!
I was trifling with the lives,
Of Mudbloods
From Hangleton.
I had stripped them of their wands
They were frozen stiff
I had finished with my taunts
I was acting cruel and cold,
When I heard a growling sound
So I bolted through a door
Just in time to see ...
And there came ...
And there came ...
Barking like a dog...
Growling like a wolf ...
Charging like a stag ...
Squeaking like a rat…
Fierce Black waggin' …
Four Marauders …
Full of ire …
Full of ire!
And I ran …
And I ran …
Cursing in defense …
Cursing as I fled …
Shouting to DEs …
Shouting as they howled …
"Notify LV!
Fierce Black waggin'!
Animagi!"
And Padfoot pattered
And Moony began to growl,
And Wormtail started gnawing
On my shoe.
Oww! Oww!
As the rat gnawed through my shoe -
Oww! -
Oh my foot!
Oww!
Oww! Oww!
Fierce Black waggin'!
Full of ire!
Then the elves scattered
And the Aurors soon were there,
Using spells to petrify us
Totally.
Oww! Oww!
And we landed with a clunk sound
When we fell flat on our face-
Oww!
Oh, my nose!
Oww!
Oww! Oww!
Fierce Black waggin'!
Full of ire!
And the stag glowered (I have faced)
And the wolf threatened ('Magi before),
And the rat slithered (Never so many,)
And the dog wagged, (Never like these),
And I thought it was my end
(And I thought it was my end)
As they howled! (As they howled!)
And it was.
For I do smell a rat, my Lord.
We hear word of predictions
And although they may be fictions
We cannot be caught flat, my Lord.
Some speak of the arrival
Of a very deadly rival
We don't know when or why
Whether this be truth or lie
But the portents all imply
Things that quite mystify
And what's learned through Divination
We must never deny, my Lord …
It's the prophesied sign
Who may grow, as you know,
From opponents too benign
Which of our Dark Arts devices
Will you choose to apply, my Lord?
Though we've most of the day spent
Should we use a secret agent
To deploy as our spy, my Lord?
Snapester…
Snapey-ster …
He's our Slytherin youngster-
Excellent.
Burn like Hell…
Ev'ry Sectumsempra spell -
Agony.
A Sybill down the hall!
Speaks to us the truth.
Grayer truth from sayer sooth…
Forsooth…
We have news from Hogsmeade, my Lord.
We've new words of prediction
Interrupted by eviction
It's a warning to heed, my Lord.
His persistence is quite doggéd
And he does news supply
That he overheard at Hogs Head
Though we still don't know why
But the portents yet imply
That this message does not lie
Though it may still mystify
For we have a declaration
Of a birthday in July
Of the ultra-good-guy, my Lord …
It's the prophesied sign.
Through a gaffe only half
Of the message divined
In the days of good King Herod
We'll emerge high and dry, my Lord.
If a curse Unforgiving
Is employed against the living
Then the brat's sure to die, my Lord …
New birth at the dying of the month
Oh, mark it, my allusion
He's marked as equal.
They will hide in seclusion
He's marked as equal.
There can be no collusion
He's marked as equal.
It's the Longbottom clan, my Lord.
We must meet this prediction
With a rapid interdiction
We now know it's no lie
For the portents all imply
What is coming in July,
We shall strike at the Longbottoms
From the Book of Life we'll blot 'em
And we'll tell them good-bye, my Lord …
So then all three shall die, my Lord …
It's the prophesied sign.
Let us make our preparations
As our targets we define.
We will murder Frank and Alice
Through our treachery and malice-
It's as easy as pie, my Lord.
You shall kill the Longbottoms
For it's three times you have fought 'em,
They shall no more defy, my Lord …
Pure blood
Safe blood,
Sweet Hemoglobin
Blood that is pure.
Builds your grave
Hurls the infection
Like a base potion,
Half-blood!
Half-blood!
Half-blood!
Now you speak of the Potters, my Lord.
In terms of the prediction
We find here a contradiction
So it cannot apply
If you'll let me clarify
They have faced you only twice
But our news was precise
It's the two you've fought thrice, my Lord,
And we can't falsify
What we heard first from our spy
For it bears reiteration
What these portents verify
And although we might prefer
This entrusting to blood pureness
Let that blood be shed in murder
So to guarantee secureness
There's but one thing to do, my Lord …
Three does not equal two, my Lord.
It's the prophesied sign.
And I fear if hesitation
Should our purpose undermine
Is it Longbottom or Potter
Who most merit execution?
Your regime could fall and totter
If you choose the wrong solution.
Or should we take this oath, my Lord,
That we shall slay them both, my Lord?
For the die has been cast,
Let the dying come fast,
And we'll cut off its growth, my Lord …
My Lord - ?
Longbottoms fall on the morrow
The Potters fall on the wayside.
Be it done.
Eyes glowering
Like two doxy eggs
On the Grimmauld carpet
Don't turn.
Eyes glistening
Like two lemon drops
Deep inside a coal mine.
Don't turn.
Hair billowing,
Like an eight-ball that's been greased
For the billiard game
Don't turn.
Hair brillo-ing
Like an unwashed porcupine
That could well be rabid.
Don't turn.
Nose,
He smells it with his nose
Plucking clues out of thin air
Where the dangers stalk
So treacherous.
Nose,
He smells it with his nose
Sticking it in everything
Where it shouldn't be
Exploring things
Don't turn.
Lips curling
As he hurls his insults
At all dunderheads.
Don't turn.
Lips coiling
They are rattlers hissing
In a snarky tone.
Don't turn.
He is no knight in armor
Yet his deeds are dark
Almost darker than
My artistry.
He is no knight in armor
Yet he wields the sword
I've provided him
With bravery.
Robes darkening
As dementors seem to pale
In his sable shadow.
Don't turn.
Robes blackening
So the dawn will blaze more bright
When his wand comes to our aid.
Don't turn.
Don't go.
Don't turn.
Hands
It's now all in his hands
Like a potion newly brewed
Full of beans all freshly squeezed.
He's closer than a son
He will prove the perfect tool,
Bringing death to Dumbledore/Voldemort
At our saga's end.
Don't turn.
Eyes.
Hair.
Nose.
Lips.
Knight in armor.
Robes.
Hands.
Son.
Start!
Hurry up, Eaters, for goodness sake - maybe this nice young couple has seen them….
To find where the Potters dwell
In Godric's Hollow.
There is some prophecy which claims those two must die.
Sh!
It is my current goal to censure
Them and send them straight to Hell-
From Godric's Hollow.
We've heard the news that comes to us, through Dumble's spy.
Sh!
I know this guy!
Sh!
As Lord Voldy reconnoiters
To peace disturb
It is plain you cannot loiter
In your suburb
When the Dark Lord is inciting
His Eaters to fighting
We find ourselves reciting
The old Latin proverb:
Si vis pacem par-
-a bellum: "If you wish for
Peace, prepare for war."
Exactly.
Warfare in Godric's Hollow!
Now …
Warfare in Godric's Hollow.
Pow …
Warfare in Godric's Hollow.
Wow …
With all the powers of our allies
In retreat
It is then up to us, pal-wise,
The elite.
And with our Dumbledore the all-wise
Voldy's sure to taste defeat.
You-Know!
Know-Who!
No, who?
If I simply wear this -
Us he'll not see.
You-Know!
Or if we should share this -
We'll get lucky.
Know-Who!
If he uses the Kedavra
We're out of luck.
You-Know!
But we've met him twice and
By Avada
We've not been struck
Warfare in Godric's Hollow,
Magic defense against the Dark -
Magic from friends
Who squeak and bark -
Warfare!
Magic defense against DEs!
Magic defense -
- Against Dark sleaze.
Warfare!
When a couple's being hunted
By the Lord V
Then he ought to be confronted
Very quickly
Let us three swear as Marauders
That old Evans' daughter
And our good friend James Potter
Shall survive this safely.
The Lord who is Dark,
Also known as You-Know-Who
Won't dare anything.
Exactly.
Warfare in Godric's Hollow!
No!
Warfare in Godric's Hollow!
Grow!
Warfare in Godric's Hollow!
Oh!
Warfare in Godric's Hollow!
Sew!
You-Know!
Know-Who!
We know!
Know who!
Suddenly, I am there.
You are where?
Near the Potters' house.
Near the Potters' house?
This will make three …
Why, who, where?
It appeared.
This is weird.
You're so unaware
The Inner Eye sees everything
You-Know-Who, too.
My, oh, my.
Inner Eye
Sees everything.
But you are there.
And I am there!
You-Know-Who, too.
My, oh, my.
I'm with evil men
I'm the leader of DEs …
I'm with evil men
I hate Gryffindors!
I'll get Potters the third time…
It will be a ghastly crime …
I'm with evil men …
I hate Gryffindors!! …
If you/I triumph, they lament
It's the prophesied event.
It's your/our Meeting No. 3!
He's with evil men
You-Know-Who is me!
This is number three.
Once again,
This is number three.
We face evil men.
Voldemort's our worst enemy
Yet we will stay free
He is back again.
I see James and Lily
Voldy scares me silly.
It's a prophesied affair!
Eye sees everything!
It's their Meeting No. 3.
You-Know-Who is me!
We will kill your wife and your lad.
Both of them we'll kill
We are evil men
First of all, I bid, kill the dad -
Let us do him ill.
They are back again.
For it's Meeting No. 3 -
-Where the Death Eaters compete.
For our Meeting No. 3,
As was prophesied.
It's my hope we'll kill all three
We will fracture with AKs.
It's the Potters whom we'll slay
As we leap into the fray
As was prophesied.
They are bad men.
We will soon kill
We will fracture with AKs.
I will pulverize your team.
We will rip you at the seams
In our conquest you'll be creamed
With our blood and thunder too
At the Potter house,
Meeting No. 3.
Suddenly, I am here -
If you please, I am also here -
We will battle each DE.
We will vanquish Voldemort.
We will battle each DE.
We met Voldy twice before.
Suddenly, I am here.
You are where?
Near the Potter's house.
Near the Potter's house?
But as a rat.
Think of that.
I'm below.
So I notice.
Underneath a tree
And so I won't do anything.
I am fearful
And I can't do anything.
What do you fear?
What I must fear.
Will you leave me?
If you please.
I will show you now …
I shall use my Inner Eye…
I will show you now …
I hear everything …
It's but dimly understood
When it's evil vs. good.
I will show you now …
There's an Overlord …
My predictions are pristine
I'm projected to this scene.
Let it all be understood
I will show you now …
Tell me what you hear!
First I hear a wand being waved.
Then I see some sparks …
A DE gets hit …
Voldemort, he shouts, "Now, attack!
Battle for the dark!"
They with weapons hit
I hear Dark Lord cursing…
Angry songs in verse sing …
But our heroes now are there,
Not by weapons hit
Their great feats are underfoot.
Voldy faces James
In a duel
Both of them bow low.
Pound the ground a bit.
He-Who-Can't-Be-Named…
…Bends the rules
Makes as if to go.
As he ponders it….
If I go
Right away
Then I've thrice
Faced these half-bloods
And I know
I can say
Quite precise,
"Not the purebloods."
| And he went
| Just like that
| In thin air
| Disappearing
| He is
| Gone
| Then.
| Since the
| Inner Eye can
| See
| It Pro-
| Fesses what must
| Be
| As was
| Prophesied.
| I am gone
| Then.
| We'll not
| Fracture with A
| Ks.
| Since the
| Inner Eye can
| See
| It Pro-
| Fesses what must
| Be
| As was
| Prophesied.
| This E-
| Vent
| Made him scat
| Who knows where
| Voldy's veering?
| But he's
| Left
| Them.
| Since the
| Inner Eye can
| See
| As was
| Prophesied.
They've defied me/you now three times
I've/You've not pulverized or killed
I've/You've not ripped them at the seams
As was prophesied
Not Longbottoms for it's Lil
Not the purebloods but the half
So says Sibyll T.
In Prophecy
Of Meeting No. 3.
In Hollow, where Potters and Black?
Voldemort really need to know
They hide out in some little shack
Let us be searching high and low.
Voldemort Lily kill and James.
Eaters not finding Potter? Oh no,
Voldemort will no kill he Lily
Eaters will get more Voldy flames
Next time is six feet below
Three times they meet, says the prophet
Then they off it
In Hollow!
Voldy request useful plan
Plan to learn Potter location
Followed by a detonation
So we must -
Now design
A new plan
Let us brainstorm
So we must -
It will shine
When it's ran
Let his reign form
So we meet in DE convocation
Karkaroff
Barty C.
And Macnair
In the main swarm
Dolohov
Ludo B.
In our lair
- As they weigh norms
- Now the gavel I bang,
May our harangue
Free flow!
Voldemort bury Harry's corpse
But if retribution too slow
Death Eaters fill Inferi corps
Lottery chooses who's to speak
Step right up and state your tirade
Voldemort's wanting wanton wanding
Voldemort wants it in one week.
Rookwood.
Rookwood.
Rookwood.
Rookwood.
Here's Rookwood.
Hello!
Rookwood.
Hello, DEs!
Rookwood.
DEs, I am a spy with secrets slyly taken from the Ministry
That I have robbed due to my job in Department of Mysteries
But if I may let me essay a little of my history
A stirring tale I musn't fail to let each Ms. and Mister see
He is a spy with secrets slyly taken from the Ministry
A stirring tale he musn't fail to let each Ms. and Mister see
Oh!
I should.
I know.
Rookwood, would -
I would
'Twas my career for many years to work as an Unspeakable
And studying of many things of which all were unleakable
But Voldy Lord then came on board with offers quite unique-able
As his ally he bid my try to stealthy be and sneakable
And so Rookwood, up to no good, got stealthier and sneakable
And so Rookwood, up to no good, got stealthier and sneakable
And so Rookwood, up to no good, got stealthier and sneakable
At war.
Lord Voldy said I'm selected to prowl around in Office C,
To bring him news and peer reviews concerning Sibyll's prophecy
But sad to state, through quite a fatal error and some sophistry
The crystal spheres of propheteers were labeled limits off to me.
The crystal spheres of propheteers
Though tantalizingly bought near
Security you couldn't clear
They're labeled limits off to thee
Quite far,
But no
Cigar.
There's no Hollow objectives expressed
No action plan does Rookwood reach
Plans for Hollow!
Second speaker now joins contest,
Walden Macnair makes second speech.
Plans for Hollow!
Launch a new campaign
Make Aurors complain
Of their goddamn pain.
Augment their woe,
Chaos we'll create
A climate of hate
War we escalate.
As we declare
"Curse it -
Tell us where Potters hide
Or you will all wish you died
Or worse it
Gets" 'n' heighten the tension
Put 'em into detention -
Wizards
Take hostage
A prize we will make of prisoners
Grab upper hand
Then we demand
Potters
Or we go to each city
To an atrocity see-
Potters
We will demand for ransom
Harry, Lil, Jamesy and some
Others! Yeah!
Like Mr. Black, he! Yeah!
Three cheer!
| DEs rejecting your plan!
| Walden, Rookwood, we have heard each
| Here is the man for the third speech -
| I advocate we simply wait for proper opportunity
| A rash attack is sure to smack of desperate jejunity
| We'll Potters purge, for they'll emerge when seeing our great unity
In Hollow …
Don't lose Hollow!
Don't reject what I've
Struggled to connive
Don't let them survive.
- Karkaroff now will his word teach -
- The Potter boy we'll then destroy with relative impunity -
In Hollow …
Ah, yes, of course,
But to win the war
We must all ignore
Statements by Igor.
- That man is such an absurd leach -
- Then joyfully will each DE rejoice in our community.
In Hollow
Are four Marauder friends
Though our foe,
Might one of them not bend?
This tableaux
I now shall recommend.
Find one afraid
(But not the rat!)
And then persuade
He can't defend
Those on his path
From Voldy's wrath
He'll comprehend
(But not the rat!)
With Animagic liability.
Through my plan
Of "Animagic liability."
Sell own clan
By "Animagic liability"
Perhaps canine
(But not the rat!)
Will turn malign
Or we'll engulf
(But not the rat!)
The Lupin wolf -
And he will tag,
The wife and stag
We'll find the house
With groom and spouse
Their lives we douse
(But not the mouse)
That's what is Animagic liability.
In magical combat.
Send an owl
To Black or Lupin's flat
Cheek by jowl
They'll be here just like that
For DE chat.
| I think your plan involving Animagic liability
| Is quite absurd as many hurdles show its fallibility
| It's quite impractical and lacking common credibility.
| So Karkaroff should scuttle off confessing its sterility!
| Too little noise
| For our Eater joys
| 'Cause your plan destroys
| None of Potters' boys
| Karkaroff gives finest plan yet!
| Bella Lestrange is next to go.
Bella! -
Oh, Bella!
Oh, Bella!
Bella! Bella! Bella!
Minds I read, minds I read,
And I know how to proceed
Drawing bead that's guaranteed to
Make the Potters bleed!
Yes, indeed, one agreed
To the Secret Keeper's creed
But he's pleading that his need
Will force him to secede.
Who would do this evil deed?
He is not so innocent
Pete rodent! Oooh, rodent!
Pettigrew will find us their lair
Turning coats, slitting throats
We will murder Potter's heir there
That's because your Bella found this yellow
Mutinous rodent!
For with him we cannot fail.
We'll get them, through a betrayal from their
Ol' pal Wormtail!
He will cave, he will slave
He will play the utter knave
He'll be anything but brave
If he his life can save
His contemptible intent
Sells out James and his dame
Let us celebrate the Dark Arts!
Tell Sir Pete when he eats
Death, he'll love it more than Wal-Mart
He's our help in treason
Season, he's an
Odious rodent!
I'm a-quiv-
Er with fear -
And in need
Of protection…
I would give
What is dear
To arrange my
Defection
I -
A rodent! A rodent!
He will give us his assent!
| - have sec-
| Rets to keep
| But on clos-
| Er reflection …
| I'm too weak
| In too deep
| And there's no
| Circumspection.
| I'm a-quiv-
| Er with fear -
| And in need
| Of protection…
| I have sec-
| Rets to keep
| But on clos-
| Er reflec- …
| In too deep,
| And a-quiv-
| -Er with fear
| No protection …
| Pete rodent! Oooh, rodent!
| Pettigrew will find us their lair
| Turning coats, slitting throats
| We will murder Potter's heir there
| Stabbing backs, scab attacks
| We'll get Lily, James & Black.
| And the beast we have greased brings his friends' extermination
| He's our vermin this term
| Such a positive negation!
| Plan for Hollow
| Make the terror threat!
| Make 'em all upset
| Light up cigarette!
| Give them the axe,
| Keep 'em all on edge
| Thinnest part of wedge
| Seize ev'ry hostage.
| "Uncle" they will beg
| Flunk 'em down a peg.
| Perhaps this scheme gives our regime some short-term viability
| But at this stage, we cannot gauge its total suitability
| Let's organize a group of wise men famed for capability
| And at their ease, these grave DEs will judge its feasibility
| DEs, Bella, best is hers
| DEs, all Eaters will her toast
| Enemies have not a chance ghost
| With Hollow, no reason to trust Pete
| Eaters will rise up in the street
| Let's compromise, and later cheat-
But not the rat!! Ooh!!
Ah, rodent! Ah, rodent!
He's marauding the Marauders
Heaven-sent, our rodent -
Sells out Lupin, Black and Potter!
Let his fear draw him near
Let the action grow yet hotter
As we have united
Our benighted
Eaters with rodents!
Fly there straight just like the crow
Through rodent, wee rodent
Brings complete annihilation
Via a green AK
Then a funeral oration
For we've put a ban on
Future Canon
After the Hollow!!!
He is a loyal rat.
He'll guard their lives.
The Secret Keeper none suspect
Will gallantly protect
Them, Potter and his wife.
I do not take the risk lightly
And though Lord Voldemort is so cruel
We'll be repulsing him.
He'll help us win.
Their house will not be found
He will be making a brave stand.
He always comes through in the clutch, and will again.
I must endeavor to stay calm.
How exacting.
He'll prove a loyal rat.
I'll cut another notch
I'll take their lives
The Secret Keeper, I suspect,
No longer will protect
Them, Potter and his wife.
I'll be the victor of this war
And, as Lord Voldemort, be quite cruel
Once I'm repulsing them.
Quite soon I'll win.
Their house has now been found
I'll kill them as it tumbles down.
My newest servant thinks that this will save his skin.
He'll earn Kedavra some fine day.
Expendable.
He was a useful rat.
Why am I miserable?
I've saved my life.
The Secret Keeper none suspect
Must leave them unprotected
Potter and his wife.
They will be moving to their tombs.
For the Lord Voldemort is too cruel
I am a wretched rat.
How could I win?
I do not wish them ill.
The Potter house must tumble down
No doubt that Voldy's Dark effects will do them in
I so abominate the tomb
Let me live, then.
I'm a repulsive rat.
Pretty Lily, doesn't Pettigrew know where you stay?
Pretty Lily, you're the one he's chosen to betray
Pretty Lily, as you're dying,
Will the Dark Lord boast of Peter's lying?
Pretty Lily, now your impure blood a price must pay
Upon this day.
Pretty Lily, now your bitter end is drawing near.
Pretty Lily, 'tis an evil deed to be done here.
| Little Harry, will you lose your life?
| You've had such a little life, and it must end ere long.
| Voldy's too strong for you,
| You have failed so atrociously, weak and despicable.
| Little Harry, you must now prepare to meet your doom.
| Little Harry, you've no safeguards
| You are headed toward a gloomy graveyard
| Jamesy Potter, it's your family who shall be slain.
| All of your lofty deeds have been in vain
| We are DEs, we are so brave and strong
| Best be afraid … Hey,
| No, listen, Jamesy Potter, you've no safeguards
| You are headed toward a gloomy graveyard
| Pretty Lily, soon he'll end it
| Don't you know you've no way to defend it?
| Pretty Lily in your Godric's Hollow, such dismay
|On this day … We won't forego it.
| Pretty Lily, thanks to Pettigrew
| You must go, my girly.
| You are headed toward a gloomy graveyard.
Pretty Lily, look, you can't appease
These DEs.
Pretty Lily, doesn't Pettigrew know where you stay?
Pretty Lily, you're the one he's chosen to betray...
Pretty Lily as you're dying…
Will the Dark Lord boast of Peter's lying?
Pretty Lily, doesn't Pettigrew know where you stay?
Pretty Lily, doesn't Pettigrew know where you stay?
Pretty Lily, now that Pettigrew has had his say…
'Twill be AK….
Wormtail has turned on you!
Today's the day!
Blood is flowing …
Eaters killing
Hexed!
Eaters culling
Voldy's crowing.
Hexed!
Hearses, you gain
Much more rehearsing -
Hexed!
Hogwarts sinking,
Undermining
Moral thinking-
Hexed!
Energizes-
Hexed!
In this crisis.
Hear them grumble
At our guises.
Evil rises -
Hexed!
Say the haiku.
Voldemort is
Here to strike you.
You-Know-Who is
Who dislikes you -
Hexed!
"The sinister Lord,
Having a soul that's no good,
Divides and conquers".
Farms they're buying,
Wills they're reading-
Hexed!
Good is dying,
Bad succeeding,
Terrifying -
Hexed!
Such corruption -
And more murder -
No interruption -
Hexed!
Then eruptions
When we're spiteful
Grave disruptions
Then it's nightfall
Hexed!
Losing power-
Hexed!
They are seeing
Us devour.
We're decreeing,
When we glower
They should cower-
Hexed!
James he'll finish, Lily bury
With red pupils all too scary-
Hexed!
Hexed!
There are 223 bloodthirsty British giants who are now enthusiastically murdering Muggles for the Dark Lord.
Hexed!
Inspired by the rise of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, Slytherin alumni are now casting an average of 4.2 Unforgivable Curses per week.
Hexed!
57% of those currently hospitalized at St. Mungo's have sustained injuries inflicted upon them by Death Eaters.
Hexed!
This year Death Eaters placed prominent officials in 14 European nations and 43 multinational corporations under the Imperius Curse, as well as all three anchorman for the leading American networks.
Hexed!
An astonishing 98% of the non-Dark Wizard community visibly flinch if the word "Voldemort" is uttered in their presence.
Hexed!
89% of dementors currently employed at Azkaban Prison privately state that they are looking forward to a marked improvement in their work environment under a victorious Dark Lord.
Hexed!
Shout, each DE son and daughter
At the end of Harry Potter,
Let us celebrate the slaughter!
Hexed!
Britain - and its Wizarding Kingdom. There was a time when the name J.K. Rowling was unknown to us. But that was long ago. One entire decade. Welcome to the Potterverse.
Hexed! Hexed!
Brilliant leader's
Mutilation-
Hexed! Hexed!
Foes of Eaters'
Jubilation -
Hexed!
Hexed!
Hexed!
Harry Potter
the Musical(s)