Merlin Rouge

A filk by Gail to the tune of Your Song by Elton John

This song was used in the movie Moulin Rouge, and was sung by Ewan McGregor (be still my beating heart!), but only partially so. The lyrics in the parentheses are those that were not sung in the film.

HARRY:
(It's a little bit scary, this voice that I heard
It was at night the time it first occurred
Didn't speak for long, but boy, what it said!
Sounded like something wished somebody dead

Could tell the Headmaster, heh, on second thought, no
'Cause he might not believe me if I should let him know
I am not lying, but just the other day)

I heard this voice speak which made me afraid

Now I won't tell anybody I heard this voice
While addressing envelopes of Gilderoy's
I did not get it, how Lockhart, that git,
Could remain in good cheer?
The venomous voice had spoken loud and clear

I was with Lockhart, serving detention
With his dull, mindless patter, well, I lost attention
Then I heard a deep voice which gave me a chill
It said that it wanted to rip, tear and kill

So, I told my friends later of what I had heard
And how professor Lockhart, he couldn't hear a word
Anyway, Ron explained what's the bottom line
That hearing voices is not a good sign

Now I can't tell anybody that I heard this voice
They may think I'm crazy so, I have no choice
I won't forget it, not even a bit
I tried to strain my ear
How horrible it was, this voice which I fear

I will not admit that I had heard it
While I am staying here
Don't want to be kicked out in my second year

A filk by Gail to the tune The Pitch (Spectacular! Spectacular!) from the movie Moulin Rouge

The basis of this tune comes from The Can Can from Orphée Aux Enfers by Jacques Offenbach with tiny snippets from (1) The Sound of Music by Rodgers & Hammerstein and (2) Your Song by Elton John.

In this filk, the word "Sensational" is defined as: "arousing or tending to arouse (as by lurid details) a quick, intense and usually superficial interest, curiosity, or emotional reaction." - Webster's Dictionary

PROFESSOR BINNS is reading from his notes in a flat drone which has put everyone inside the classroom into a deep stupor. HERMIONE then raises her hand...

PROF BINNS: Yes, Miss...er...?

HERMIONE: Granger, Professor. I was wondering if you could tell us anything about the Chamber of Secrets?

Students start perking up with interest

PROF BINNS: (in a bombastic voice)
Sensational! Sensational!
It isn't educational
This legend of which you speak The evidence is very weak
So, there's good reason to critique
Although, there's a certain mystique

(singing) It's not fact, naturally
I deal with only history

HERMIONE: (speaking) Please, sir, don't legends always have a basis in fact?

The rest of the students gaze intently first at Hermione, then at Prof. Binns in expectation. Then, quickly (chhh, chhh, chhh) they stand up from out of their seats and start singing in chorus..

CHORUS:
We're all intrigued, hanging upon every word
We're not fatigued, it's the best thing that we've heard
We're all intrigued, hanging upon every word
We're not fatigued, it's the best thing that we've heard

DEAN: Hogwarts School

LAVENDER: The Four Founders

NEVILLE: Disunity

RON: Hidden chambers

PARVATI: Growing rifts

HARRY: And arguments

SEAMUS: Hate of those from

ALL: Muggle parents

Hufflepuff and Gryffindor
Slytherin

HERMIONE: And Ravenclaw

DEAN: Chamber sealed

LAVENDER: Horror within

CHORUS: And the true heir of Slytherin!
We're all intrigued, hanging upon every word
We're not fatigued, it's the best thing that we've heard
We're all intrigued, hanging upon every word
We're not fatigued, it's the best thing that we've heard

PROF BINNS:
Sensational, sensational!
It isn't educational
This legend of which you speak
The evidence is very weak

CHORUS:
(1) The halls vandalized with threats against Mudbloods
We're all intrigued, hanging upon every word
We're not fatigued, it's the best thing that we've heard
We're all intrigued, hanging upon every word
We're not fatigued, it's the best thing that we've heard

PROF BINNS: (reluctantly giving in to the persistence of the class)
Salazar and Gryffindor
Bitterly fought, but local folklore
Says Slyth'rin a Chamber made
And there his foul monster stayed

HARRY:
(2) It's a little bit scary, this voice that I heard

CHORUS:
We're all intrigued, hanging upon every word
We're not fatigued, it's the best thing that we've heard
We're all intrigued, hanging upon every word
We're not fatigued, it's the best thing that we've heard

PROF BINNS:
The Chamber will remain sealed
Until the true Heir is revealed
He'll free the beast, and with it
Purge the school of those "unfit"

FRED & GEORGE immediately burst into the classroom and rush over to mess around with Harry

FRED & GEORGE: (speaking, theatrically) Make way for the heir of Slytherin, seriously evil wizard coming though!

PERCY, as Prefect, pokes his head into the classroom to yell at his brothers

PERCY: This is not a laughing matter!

FRED (George giggling): Well, we think it is!

CHORUS (including FRED & GEORGE): (singing)
It's a monster, putting Muggle-borns at risk
Causing a stir -

HERMIONE: (speaking) Could it be a Basilisk?

The whole class becomes suddenly quiet as all turn and look at Hermione for a moment before starting to sing again

CHORUS:
We're all intrigued, hanging upon every word
We're not fatigued, it's the best thing that we've heard

PROF BINNS (speaking): The whole thing is arrant nonsense, of course. cough

A filk by Gail to the tune of One Day I'll Fly Away from the musical Moulin Rouge

GINNY:
Inside you I write
And it's all right
How shall I begin
To tell my pain?

Tom Riddle's diary
How did I acquire thee?
I pour out my heart to you
Now I feel a part of you

I tell you my fears and dreams
And you listen as my best friend

Tom Riddle's diary
You make no inquiry
Patiently understanding
And never do you condescend

Tom Riddle's diary
My diary

A filk by Gail to the tune of Nature Boy from the musical Moulin Rouge

DUMBLEDORE:
(speaking) This is a song about Tom. The person named Tom has changed.

(singing)
He was Head Boy
A clever and a handsome boy
He left and traveled far and wide
Along side
The worst of our kind
Few people know
Of this info
But power made him blind

Then Tom performed
Dark Magic spells and was transformed
When at last he resurfaced
Accomplished
In all things maligned
There was one thing he couldn't do
And that was love
For hate was what he knew