Harry, Get Your Wand

Adapted from There's No Business Like Show Business

A dark stage shows the interior of the Riddle House, no music is heard. A frightened gardener, Frank Bryce, crosses the stage with a lantern. A trapdoor near the back of the stage pushes Voldemort up in his chair by the fire. Fog and lights thicken. Whispers are heard and Frank Bryce falls to the floor, dead. Through the smoke we hear a voice singing a cappela but do not see Voldemort in his chair.

VOLDEMORT:
There's no art like the Dark Art
With no heart but no frown
Everybody panics when they see me
Good and bad alike cry out in fear
Ev'ry other wizard wants to beat me
Or to defeat me
And my career

There's no people like my people
Before me they bow down
Once upon a time they thought that I was dead
They let my absence get to their heads
Calling ev'ry Death Eater from A to Zed
The Dark Arts are in town!

Pettigrew steps downstage into a spotlight and announces....

WORMTAIL (spoken):
Ladies and Gentlemen, witches and wizards of all ages. I am Peter Pettigrew, or Wormtail, the servant and slave of Lord Voldemort, the greatest Dark Wizard in all history. You are now going to see an ecstatic version of the tempestuous and dramatic story of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire!

The automated scene change to Privet Drive is puncuated by several crescendos by the orchestral strings, on which the lights brighten the stage.

And here's your naïve and foolish "lead" boy….
Mr. Harry Potter.

HARRY:
There's no art like the dark art
The worst part of this world
How I've struggled fighting You-All-Know-Who
Every year the story is the same
Worried that one year he may explode you
Or worse implode you
To burn in flames

WORMTAIL (spoken):
Here's Harry Potter's fearless Professor, the loony… Professor Dumbledore!

Professor Dumbledore appears on a second level to give his speech

DUMBLEDORE:
The wizards, the witches, the warlocks, the warts
The heritage of Hogwarts' firmament
The duels, renewals, the matches, the sports
The people at the Tri-Wiz Tournament

The dragons, and the Goblets, and the maze

HARRY:
The joys of going through my teenage phase

Flourish to Hogwarts

HOGWARTS CHORUS:
The best starts are at Hogwarts
To gain your smarts without tire
Anxiously we want to see the Tourney
It's the great event that lasts all year
Heading out as fans, we are all yearning
To give up learning
And shout and cheer

Key change, as foreign students enter

There's no wizards like Tri-Wizards
These games really inspire
Students come from everywhere and all around
Compete and battle through each new round
Flying, diving, fighting, crawling on the ground
For the Goblet of Fire

WORMTAIL:
Ladies and Gentlemen, but yet this summer -
The Quidditch (trumpet slide) World Cup! (trumpets)

The two competing teams fly in on broomsticks

BULGARIA:
Zhere's no team like our dream team
IRELAND:
If you tell us it's so!

COMBINED CHORUSES:
There's no match like a death match, no
There's no match like a death match, no
There's no match like a death match its
Like no match that we know!

There's no match like a death match
And you'll catch some in this show

WOMEN:
Starting with the Quidditch Cup affair-ry
MEN:
Starting with the Quidditch Cup affair-ry
WOMEN:
Next the Tri-Wiz Tourney as a sport
MEN:
Next the Tri-Wiz Tourney as a sport
BOTH:
Then the greatest match that's literary
Between our Harry
And Voldemort!

The Dark Mark appears in the sky and the Death Eaters finally appear hovering above everyone else!

DEATH EATERS:
Voldemort!

ALL!:
There's no people like our people
We're fierce, fabled, renowned
Everywhere worth looking there's a fight to fight
A plague, a plight or a wrong to right
You will see the greatest games in lights tonight
The big games are in town!
The big games are in town!