To the tune of On this Night of a Thousand Stars/Eva and Magaldi/Eva, Beware of the City
The scene dims, changing to the scene where the Marauders tormented Snape. First, we see James torment Snape, and then Lily try to stop him. Then there is a freeze frame on them yelling at each other and MOORE sings.
MOORE
That's Lily and James
They're Harry Potter's parents
Now note
They're at each other's throats
Some say she was forced
Just look how they're acting:
She just yells at him while he just sits there and gloats.
We shift to a freeze frame of the face of Lord Voldemort.
MOORE (spoken)
Lord Voldemort, aka Tom Marvolo Riddle…
(sung) Who has the distinction of being the first bloke to lose his life
To Potter's need for fame…
A tango rhythm starts as we change to the scene when MOORE broke into Godric's Hollow.
On this night when the Dark Lord died
If on History you are dim,
Voldemort loved mass homicide
Of those who fought with him.
But did he really try to kill
The infant Harry Potter's folks?
That and him being alive still
Are the biggest jokes!
Supposing Lily was forced, she wished to be divorced
But could not get past James,
She might have made a consort
Out of that Lord Voldemort
For her own sexual games.
No matter what they have said
Seems both the Potters are dead
It's a mystery, though
When Harry lay in his cot
If Voldie came or not
We can't know.
On the night…(sighs)
On the night…(sighs)
On the night when the Potters died
There's the slightest discrepancy
Saying that Harry made Voldie fried
Simply could not be!
The music suddenly changes, and the scene shifts to the Dursleys' house.
Now moving along,
Potter was adopted
By the poor Muggles on his Mother's side.
Despite all their years of work and sacrifice
Potter payed them back
With vicious attacks.
He bullied and teased
His cousin mercilessly.
He made a fool of Dudley
Who couldn't stand up, he
Was scared of his cousin.
He bullied a lot,
And hurt his cousin's feelings.
He was a big
Bullying prig
And tortured Muggles
To no end.
DURSLEYS
He was a big
Bullying prig
And tortured Muggles
To no end.
Cut to Harry's bedroom, which is conveniently in a state of disarray
Just look at that mess!
But when he turned eleven
They got him off their hands
It happened at last
Hogwarts called him accepted -
Invited him to their land.
Of course, with Muggles he couldn't stay.
No more Muggles sassed
At Hogwarts he'd be kept, yet
He would turn much more sly
Under Dumbledore's eye.
In the first year of his school days…
Weasleys soon became his closest friends
His closest friends…(spoken) truly disasterous.
(sung) They really taught him how to take after his father
He was a troubled lad, and they encouraged trouble.
Of course it's no surprise he joined the house they were in.
No shock!
He was a big
Bullying prig
And caused great trouble to no end.
Dumbledore did
Exercise
A decisive bit
Of influence on
The young Harry Potter.
Dumbledore, all the school rules dismissing
Paying no heed to interhouse rifts
Sided with Potter on almost every point
And gave him some incredibly odd gifts.
Now Dumbledore and discipline
In the same breath's a joke
He had far too much power
It corrupted the old bloke.
He gave that Harry Potter
Quite a special kind of cloak.
Potter's rebelliousness it stoked…
Invisible power…on an eleven year old
The implications of such an object's appeal…
Young Potter jumped on every chance he got to use it and…
He denied Dumbledore's note, which told him to use it properly.
If this was the gratitude of young Potter, we wonder how much
He can really be trusted.
And when did he first try his nice new cloak on?
The music gets slow and we change to a scene of the restricted section
Plumbing the restricted section
The darkest of books
And from the looks
And the date…
Potter showed interest in the Dark Arts
His power was already
More than sources said he
Needs, in short, far too great.
Great was not enough
He knew the going would be rough
Before he had been visible
And detectable
But he wanted more
So he kept bugging Dumbledore.
He was the youngest Quidditch player,
Come now, is that fair?
The scene of Harry playing Quidditch fades into a photograph which MOORE is holding. He shakes his head.
MOORE
He was a big
Bullying prig
And opportunist,
Mark my words!
A CHORUS of DEATH EATERS disguised cleverly as Aurors enter behind him.
CHORUS
He was a big
Bullying prig
And opportunist,
Mark his words!
MOORE
Potter had too much ambition
It would have fit in
In Slytherin
Like the rest.
Slytherin won the cup
Eight years straight
But when Potter stepped in
He went and stole the win
Away from the Slytherin crest.
How did he do it, well
You know the stone made by Flamel?
Seems it was hidden in the school
Dumbledore
Knew how many wished to own that so coveted of all the stones
He really was a fool,
Dumbledore.
Because that big
Bullying prig
Got to the stone
With no sweat.
CHORUS
Because that big
Bullying prig
Got to the stone
With no sweat.
MOORE
Potter was on a strange mission
It wasn't well known
That precious stone
Was around.
In Potter's hands, it is danger enough
But he claims Lord Voldie, you heard me, Lord Voldie
Somehow got on the Hogwarts grounds.
Seems to me this small fry
Knew well how to lie.
Gildy Lockhart
To the tune of Buenos Aires
The scene shifts to Colin Creevey's photograph of Harry and Lockhart together, which the camera zooms out from to reveal MOORE holding it as he stands next to the now-hospitalized Gilderoy Lockhart. He motions sarcastically to him.
MOORE
In second year,
Scene shifts to the Chamber of Secrets passageway
MOORE
Well, well,
He allowed Potter license to act out his previous fighting
You poor Gildy Lockhart
Sure, it could have been a "mishap"
Musical interlude in which MOORE questions Lockhart about what he remembers. Lockhart doesn't remember anything. MOORE turns triumphantly to the audience.
Well I smell a huge rat, it's a stench worse than dung, so
Shocking, fellow wizards
Puts his hand sympathetically on Lockhart's shoulder
Thank you,
Unrelated image of Harry laughing.
Good Night and Thank You
From the tune of the same name.
MOORE smiles at the audience. We are now in the Defense against the Dark Arts room, and he is standing at the slide projector. He clicks it on and starts going through the slides. The first is a picture of Professor Quirrell.
MOORE
Oh, but it's sad when a teacher is sacked
There is no one, no one at all
Good night and thank you to Lockhart
Oh, but it's sad when a teacher gets sacked
There is no one, no one at all
Good night and thank you Remus Lupin
Oh, but it's sad when a teacher gets sacked
The scene changes to a meeting with SNAPE, who looks displeased
SNAPE
The scene changes back to the projector room
MOORE
Teaching Unforgivables
To the tune of The Art of the Possible
We switch to the recapture of the dramatic entrance of Alastor Moody. MOORE appears in the image and shakes his head sadly.
MOORE
When Hogwarts hired
They brought out the Goblet of Fire,
Potter was four-
Moody was there
He won!
The Boy Displayed Potential
To the tune of The Lady's Got Potential
We change to the scene of the First Task. MOORE walks over to where the dragons are kept
MOORE
The champion were ready
Yeah, just one month before the task had its start
The boy displayed potential, summoning up his broom
At such a practicality young Potter would scoff
Yeah, Potter was the quickest to get his egg
Change to the scene of the Second Task
Now, the Second Task was underwater
A house elf overheard Alastor secretly say
Yeah, Potter's marks increased by a great amount
Yeah, suddenly the third task was approaching so fast
They created a maze which no sane person could chart
They didn't make it so difficult just on a lark
The Tournament/I'd Be Surprised if He Told the Truth
To the tune of Charity Concert/I'd be Surprisingly Good for You.
The scene shifts to the maze of the Third task, which MOORE is walking calmly through.
MOORE
The camera pans left to show Potter and the other champions
MOORE
As it began
But of course, he
Seems that Diggory was soon attacked
Freeze frame on the scene, with Potter's face appearing in the back
Notice how quick the kid was there
Now Viktor Krum
As we all know, Diggory was killed
Worse yet,
Well, I have to say it's serious
Some Pranksters Thought Themselves Above the Law
To the tune of Another Suitcase in Another Hall
The scene changes to the Hogwarts express, where Harry gives the Weasleys their gold. As the scene replays, MOORE sings.
MOORE
He liked their sense of humor
The music slows and the scene fades out. MOORE is now standing on the site of Diggory's grave.
MOORE
We know about Potter
Why did Cedric die?
Time and time again
When obstacles should start happen,
Why did Cedric die?
Cedric's dead and gone
Young Potter still goes on
He won't recall the names and people
Why did Cedric die?
MOORE lays a flower down on Cedric's grave and we fade out.
His Dubious Fame
To the tune of Peron's Latest Flame
The scene changes to a parlor with a number of expensive looking items of furniture. Lucius Malfoy, and a group of other PUREBLOODS are sitting about. MOORE enters.
MOORE
PUREBLOODS
MOORE
PUREBLOODS
MOORE
PUREBLOODS
We don't really mind
The scene switches to the Slytherin Common Room
MOORE
SLYTHERINS
MOORE
SLYTHERINS
MOORE
SLYTHERINS
SNAPE enters and they begin to sing a long, vicious diatribe
SNAPE and SLYTHERINS
SNAPE
ALL
Cut back to the PUREBLOODS
PUREBLOODS
Back to the Slytherin common room
SNAPE
Ever since his infancy
MOORE (sighs as an unrelated shot of Harry laughing is shown)
MOORE holds up a PUPPET of Harry and imitates him in a high squeaky voice
PUPPET
MOORE (puts on a disgusted face and tosses the puppet away)
SNAPE
Ever since his infancy
Oh, he really must enjoy
MOORE
A New Magic Theory
To the tune of A New Argentina
The scene changes to a restaurant where MOORE has just entered.
MOORE
Well, Potter caused a mass Ministry scare
Though the tale was less than plausible
Now the next one we shall hear from
Potter wanted to learn naught from
He goes to a table and sits down. UMBRIDGE is sitting there.
MOORE
A strict march begins to play as UMBRIDGE sighs and unfolds her hands
UMBRIDGE
This curricular change upset almost the entire staff
MOORE
UMBRIDGE
MOORE
UMBRIDGE
MOORE
UMBRIDGE
MOORE
BOTH
MOORE
UMBRIDGE
But would I have done what I did
BOTH
As the last note sounds, a raucous VOICE comes from offscreen
VOICE (spoken)
Umbridge! Tables 13 and 14 need to be bussed pronto!
UMBRIDGE (spoken)
Thank you, Mr. Moore.
On the Cover of the Quibbler/Don't Cry for Harry James Potter
To the tune of On the Balcony of the Casa Rosada/Don't Cry for Me Argentina
The scene shifts back to Knockturn Alley
MOORE
As a viewer of his rise into infamy
(sung) He's lying
The music slows and he sits down on a step, where he begins sifting through a few photographs, which form a montage.
It can't be Voldie
He and his aunt and uncle
Don't cry for Harry James Potter
And as for his scar, and for his fame
Don't cry for Harry James Potter…
Instrumental, in which we see shots of Harry looking triumphant as a number of calamitous events occur. At the end, MOORE puts the pictures away and stares sadly at the camera.
MOORE
We have learned too much, but there is more I have yet to display to you
Now getting right back to what Potter's been doing
Yes, Sirius Black, the Heir of Lord Voldemort
He repeats this line for dramatic effect a number of times as the music crescendos
Things start getting overboard
Heir of Voldemort
To the tune of High Flying, Adored
The scene changes to a montage of pictures of Sirius Black as MOORE begins to snidely sing.
MOORE
Potter had been gaining strength
It was Black who arrived
Heir to Voldemort
He was a crazy man
Heir to Voldemort
Heir to Voldemort
I don't think we need
The Full Moon
To the tune of Rainbow High
The scene switches to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, where we see LUPIN lecturing the students on dark creatures.
LUPIN
MOORE appears, superimposed on the clip of the lesson
MOORE
LUPIN
MOORE
But this werewolf
It's not a surprise that this Lupin had known Potter's dad
Weasley Twins
To the tune of Rainbow Tour
We now shift to an inside shot of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes in Diagon Alley. MOORE walks in.
MOORE
Sirius Black proved of use to the Weasleys
Let's hear it for the Weasley Twins,
There you are, I thought you'd see
Cut to a scene with Skiving Snackboxes
Now, observe the effects upon these snackboxes
Nosebleeds and nausea are awful effects
Let's hear it for the Weasley twins,
Now, let's move along
Let's hear it for the Weasley twins,
Sirius Wanted More of Their Big Corporate Pie
To the tune of The Actress Hasn't Learned the Lines You'd Like to Hear
Cut to Sirius and Harry exchanging words at the end of Book Five Chap. 14 - no sound, but you can see that Sirius looks angry.
MOORE
Seems Sirius wanted more of their big corporate pie
Sir-i-us wanted more of their big corporate pie
Now moving away from Mister Black, we've gotta see who took the blame
And The Letters Kept Rolling In
To the tune of And the Money Kept Rolling In
We cut to Harry at the breakfast table, as he receives letter upon letter
MOORE
CHORUS
MOORE
CHORUS
MOORE
CHORUS
MOORE
CHORUS and MOORE
Harry James Potter
To the tune of Santa Evita
The scene changes to the day that Voldemort's return was exposed. MOORE picks up one of the papers and stares at it disgustedly.
MOORE (quoting from the paper)
"Now, Harry Potter,
Keep telling lies, now Potter
(Snorts) Harry, Harry James Potter
CHORUS
CHORUS
MOOREv
Why try to tell what the truth isv
When you can maintain your fame?
Waltz for Potter's Lies
To the tune of Waltz for Eva and Che
The scene changes slowly to a room with a projector which is displaying a picture of Harry smiling. MOORE approaches it.
MOORE
Tell me, before you look utterly bad
There is evil
Tell me, while this documentary closes,
Allow me to help you sink into being obscure
There is evil
Oh, what he's done to our precious world
He Is a Monster
To the tune of She is a Diamond
Cut to Harry on the rampage in Dumbledore's office. Cut to unrelated shot of Dumbledore looking old and weary. Cut to Harry leaving Dumbledore's office in a depressed state.
MOORE
But he and Dumble
But on the other hand,
His Evil Power's Slowly Breaking Down
To the tune of Your Little Body's Slowly Breaking Down
MOORE
It's gotta end
We Must Stop Him
To the tune of You Must Love Me
MOORE
Listen to the world's cries
All on our side are agreeing
We must stop him
Why are they on his side
All on our side are agreeing
We must stop him.
Moore's Final Condemnation
To the tune of Eva's Final Broadcast
We cut back to Knockturn Alley, where MOORE is sitting.
MOORE
Young Potter hasn't learned that he is mortal too.
I want to tell supporters of Harry Potter
Don't cry for Harry James Potter
I have said enough
There's nothing more I can say to condemn him now
He's had his moments
Exposed!
To the tune of Lamentation
The scene shifts to MOORE sitting in his studio.
MOORE
Remember he has gained such power
And now he's gone too far
The chance is ours and no one else's
Dum-ble-dore and
MOORE notices his cup is empty
Umm…I need this filled.
(spoken) I need this filled NOW, goddam it, Now - Avery- where the goddam hell is Avery!!??-
AVERY rushes in-
AVERY (spoken)
AVERY trips and falls, spilling the contents of the pitcher in its entirety.
MOORE
Too late - the Polyjuice wears off, and MOORE transforms back into LORD VOLDEMORT, in a state of high dudgeon.
VOLDEMORT (screaming)
VOICE OFF-CAMERA
VOLDEMORT
VOLDEMORT fires his wand into the screen - a blinding flash of green, followed by a screen going blank.
Fahrenheit 10/31: The Film Script
Folks, meet
Gildy Lockhart
He's beat
And guess who drove insane this man of men?
Yup, Potter again.
Gildy Lockhart,
He taught.
He should've known what, by the year's end, would be
A complete loss of his whole memory.
He looked into a passage that ran underground in the castle
He got Potter and Weasley to come, they did not like the hassle.
Since that night, Lockhart has been out of touch,
An occurrence which is quite suspicious.
Gildy Lockhart
You had
To take that Potter kid under your wing -
A misguided thing.
In response he could have been ill-used in a way harsh and biting.
Potter could have cast mem'ry charms and such.
We've already seen that he's malicious.
You have been used totally barbarically
Having lost such a rich, great memory.
But more likely it was a trap
This is a mess - it's tragic.
This attack seems to go beyond
Potter causing pranks with his wand
This smells like it's dark magic.
It behooves us to fight for this mind so entrenched in St. Mungo's
Could it be Lockhart simply learned too much?
If so, Potter's cover-up was vicious.
Terrible, such behavior is clearly against the rules
Up at Hogwarts school.
Gildy Lockhart
Because you better know you've exposed quite properly
The disgusting one who erased
The disgusting one who erased
The disgusting one who erased
Your memory!
Good night and thank you to Quirrell
Seems you were just the sort
Who keeps Voldemort
In his head.
Please don't feel harsh or depressed, if you can
Could Harry pass
The demands of your class?
Didn't seem to, and now look! You're dead!
But Voldemort makes a man damned
And he tried to steal the Sorceror's Stone…
Smells like a scam!
Never has been and never will be a teacher
Who's taught Potter
Who's managed to steer clear
Of staying just a year here
If they don't fear dear
Old Potter.
They say the defense job is cluttered with jinxes
And curses
And problems
But Potter's the real jinx!
You've been sent rudely hence
For teaching defense
Properly.
We mustn't forget that you're hospitalized
You can't write a book
'Cause your memory he took
Seems Potter leaves no info too free.
It's something that most can avoid
But if Potter thinks that your class is too hard,
You're unemployed!
Never has been and never will be a teacher
Who's taught Potter
Who's managed to steer clear
Of staying just a year here
If they don't fear dear
Old Potter.
They say the defense job is cluttered with jinxes
And curses
And problems
But Potter's the real jinx!
Can't be sacked too soon
When every full moon
You change shape.
Of course, Potter liked you but parents did not
And given your disease
It's no shock they weren't pleased
Maybe they'll give your job up to Snape.
But werewolves are not the right type
Seems Potter thought he was both tame and harmless
Which sounds like tripe!
Potter is taking up too much control
Faculty run all the schools
Pre-Potter we could take points from all kids
His advent altered the rules!
Defense against the Dark Arts is a class
Which every student should have tools to pass
After all, if a student is attacked
By countercharms and spells they need to be backed
Which makes it bad when a teacher gets sacked!
Now some of you
Might justly scoff
But Moody was
The fourth year Prof!
Dumble was ripped off!
Moody was
Teaching Unforgivables.
This greasy tramp
The Triwiz game
Brought three school's camps
They all got
ONE champ!
To ensure, for sure
That it was livable…
Which should divine
Who, out of those who could have got past Dumbledore's age line,
Should compete in
Or be beat in
The Triwiz Game
Now, seventeen was the age Dumbledore'd set on the line.
Teen at the time
But as there's no
Reason or rhyme
With him,
He soon climbed
To become a FOURTH Triwiz champion.
When he had need
He gave him help
And gillyweed
It seems Potter's greed
Could have made
Him learn Unforgivables…
He won!
He won!
October, '94, soon the first task
Was to begin
And people didn't think
Anyone could win.
The dragons had potential to cause slaughter.
But nervous to the bone
They were supposed to be facing
The unknown
It seems they were
Except, I'm sure,
For Potter.
Potter's friends
Allowed him to cheat
That tends
To stop one being beat
His ends
Were easy to meet
The groundskeeper and Moody both played significant parts.
And using to avoid a firey doom
While lesser mortals had used conjunctivitis,
God knows he only wanted to just show off
Nobody, though, was right pissed
And despite this,
Potter's friends
Allowed him to cheat
That tends
To stop one being beat
His ends
Were easy to meet.
For high marks he didn't feel a great need to beg.
Lock, stock and gills,
It included with merfolk quite a battle of wills.
Potter was stumped as hell how he could prepare.
To win this task, Gillyweed was the easiest way
Seems Moody made no attempt to even be fair!
'Cause his friends
Allowed him to cheat
That tends
To stop one being beat
His ends
Were easy to meet.
For such great luck it was hard for one to account.
Potter's friends
Allowed him to cheat
That tends
To mean he wouldn't be beat
His ends
He'd finally meet.
His conscience wasn't twinging, that was long past!
And placed the Triwiz trophy in the centermost part
Deciding it would go to who was quickest
And if you got lost, you could send up red sparks.
But how Potter won this time was the sickest
But how Potter won this time was the sickest.
On this day…
On this day…
On this day of the final task
There was suspicion and surprise
Champs would either go home in casks
Or win every prize!
Of course, young Potter
Was prepared to compete
He had his wand to use, but how he would
Was sickening, let's take a look now
Make sure you aren't too easily frightened.
Accidents happened
And Potter's path was too clear
It was odd, for he should have encountered
At least a blast-ended skrewt on his way through the maze.
Was having too easy a time
And of course, he
Was set up to win, so let's not kid ourselves too much
To ensure he would win
You can bet
He would try
Any kind of curse that he had learned
And this proves why he is such a ruthless, evil guy!
With a curse that struck him far from dumb
He took a cruciatus in the back
It supposedly came straight from Krum
Who was said, by some
To be mind-controlled.
With a couple hedges in between
Seems that Diggory he couldn't spare,
It's a good thing that he wasn't seen
Using spells so obscene
As Imperius
He'd know the ropes of Imperius.
Wasn't really hurt
But does this pattern start to disconcert?
He attacks
And what's more,
Soon Madame Fleur Delacour,
She hit the dirt.
But Potter, when this can of beans was spilled
Simply showed at lying he was skilled
Said a dark potion had been fulfilled
And Voldie had willed
Himself back to life.
I'd be surprised if he told the truth.
His impropriety
Implicated high society
Like Malfoy,
Goyle and Nott
Who were caught with controlled thoughts
And they went free.
A boy who could have used Imperius
Becoming so damn delirious
His lies continue to weary us
It's mysterious
How he thinks it's truth.
I'd be surprised if he told the truth.
Well, being a good guy
Potter gave his gold to
The Weasley family
Or, rather the twins
Who he quickly told to
Start inventing some jokes,
He thought them funny blokes.
And their mean and childish pranks
So he gave them the means to
Rise up through the ranks.
But why did Cedric Diggory
Die for this sake
For the Weasley jokes
Or for Potter to win?
And his maturation
With Dark Arts fascination…
And his sins.
Some pranksters thought themselves above the law?
Why did Cedric die?
For no proper reason, we just saw.
What game is Potter playing?
Whatever it is, it's rotten to the core.
What game is Potter playing?
He's showed he's no regard
For life, and he will toy
With all folks for his joy.
It is completely true, then
No matter if they're human
They're destroyed.
Some pranksters thought themselves above the law?
Why did Cedric die?
For no proper reason, we just saw.
What game is Potter playing?
No matter, it is rotten to the core.
What game is Potter playing?
Yet it goes on, we've seen
No need for life, in his eyes.
Whose lives he's deserted
Or hear their disconcerted,
Frantic cries.
Some pranksters thought themselves above the law?
Why did Cedric die?
For no proper reason, we just saw.
What game is Potter playing?
No matter, it is rotten to the core.
What game is Potter playing?
What else is in store?
In the houses and clubs
Of the pureblood kin
Who all grew up in Slytherin,
The best house!
There's cause for distaste…
With Harry Potter!
With them Potter will someday clash
They consider him halfblood trash
Who is hyped up on fame.
We feel disgraced…
Potter thinks he's stronger
Than every damn wizard
Now at last his reputation
Is finally under siege.
If he has some power
But with half his fame and none of
His prestige!
Could there be
In Slytherin's ranks
A lack of much gratitude or thanks
Thanks for what?
For Potter's great acts!
Don't make us chortle.
If you wish
To induce great gloom
In the midst of this dark common room
Say "Potter speaks facts!"
That's Hypogriff shit!
Potter is a fool
Breaking every damn rule
Thinking he's the best in the entire school
The teachers think that his good name
Excuse him from work in our every class
With others, I tell you they just wouldn't pass
The kid is spoiled by his fame!
Oh, he really must enjoy
Being Dumble's golden boy
It's something he always flaunts -
Gets him everything he wants…
Brat!
Flash in the pan!
He is unbridled, unrestrained
All of our patience has been pained
His rise in power must sometime drop
Potter's shenanigans must stop!
It's no crime for students
Just to break a few rules
As long as we use
Proper discipline tools
Instead young Potter
Gets applause.
Our laws dealing with punishment have been shivved
By this bloody bastard, the "Boy-Who-Lived"
We all hate him, we've got cause.
He has loved delinquency
Simply put, he's caused a mess
With his bloody mindedness
Fool!
Flash in the pan!
You don't have that many friends, Mr. Potter
Did means justify your ends, Mr. Potter?
Why haven't you acted decently?
Who did you kill-join with recently?
Voldemort's back
We've gotta thwart his strife
Please forget
Concern for human life!
Can we afford to take his word?
Can we ignore how odd and absurd
It sounds?
No, Potter, thank you.
He's just like his father, arrogant, too much pride
.
And now he's got the wizard world on his side.
Get him out of Hogwarts School!
He has loved delinquency
Simply put, he's caused a mess
With his bloody-mindedness
Being Dumble's golden boy
It's something he always flaunts -
Gets him everything he wants…
The wizard world has lost its head
When someone who's so badly bred
Can be respected or desired
When with the dark side he's conspired.
In his fifth year
Potter was tried
For Patronus charms
Which were outside
Wizard law
At the time
It was a serious crime
But Dumbledore was on his side.
Stating that the reason he was armed
Was Dementors had been standing there
When he had cast his Patronus charm
And he meant no harm…
Dumbledore got the boy who lived off
Though the attack was quite impossible
At rational thought ol' Dumble scoffed.
Fudge had gotten him pissed
So he was at the top of Potter's hit list.
Tried to bring a new approach
To teaching in the Hogwarts
Defensive course.
This passive Defensive coach.
He organized his own kind of resistance force.
Now, Miss Umbridge, as you had said
Potter thought your lessons had no import.
Your intent
Wasn't meant
To be seen
As bureaucratic or mean,
Yet you're compared to Voldemort.
Why's that?
Why's that?
Why's that?
Why's that?
Why's that?
Why's that?
A new magic theory
Espoused from the mouth of Slinkhard
This new magic theory
Said violent action's
Something to discard.
I still don't know why, but at me they were inclined to laugh.
I tried to curb
Potter's lying.
He was disturbed.
I kept trying.
My detentions were rather mild.
This new magic theory
On what grounds did Potter object?
It's true, I do fear he
Was sure against Dark Arts we'd have to protect.
I asked who would want to cut the lives of little kids short.
His response was short and a shock, it was "Lord Voldemort."
The punishment he kept needing
He claims that it left him bleeding.
That so? He does not tell the truth.
This new magic theory
It says fighting isn't so great
This new magic theory
It encourages people to negotiate.
Potter was banned from
His house Quidditch team
Because of his constant brawls
It made Miss Umbridge be set up to be removed.
It seemed that Potter
Had been beaten
But it's never what it seems.
Most sources think that
The defensive course had been improved.
It's annoying
That they thought that
Passive action was a flake
It is destructive,
Shows off their lack of maturity.
Now everyone thinks
That my methods
Were a gigantic mistake
They attack great Wilbert Slinkhard with surety.
This is how dissenters are dealt with when
Dumbledore and Potter are mad.
Dolores has stopped teaching students at Hogwarts for good
Since Potter lured her to a trap in the forbidden wood.
Seems the centaurs
In there got her
Shows the ruthless-
Ness of Potter.
This is wrong, it's not right at all!
A new magic theory
Its progress has ground to a halt
A new magic theory
The lying of Potter
Is clearly
And utterly
It's totally at fault!
Seems the doctrines of Miss Umbridge
Had to collide with the plans
Of the Potter and the Weasley corporation
"Greed is good, the mighty galleon
Has to keep changing hands."
This is what brought to Dolores damnation.
Don't think I am bitter, but
I wish he'd kept his fat mouth shut
My fall has been unbearable
Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve
A fate that's so terrible.
Once I tripped
And got my pink slip
And now I have to
Beg for a tip…
If I didn't have everyone's interests
In my mind at the time?
A new magic theory -
Its progress has ground to a halt.
A new Magic theory
The scheming of Potter
Is clearly
And totally
And utterly at fault!
Listen, my fellow wizards
Our newly detected problems have raised a point.
Harry Potter,
Harry Potter,
You are not worshipped now
Voldemort's back, that's what you're telling me
Pardon me,
But it can't happen.
Voldemort could not come back so suddenly.
Let's just recap the reasons why Potter isn't worth trust
Or why his heart isn't quite in the right place
We know that's true.
And his life has displayed reasons for us to hate him…
Now let me state my point again…
I have to admire the sheer ruthlessness
Arrogant, perhaps, but what do you call our subject?
Listen to the enthusiasm, gentlemen
Potter, rotter, not sure
(spoken) Look, he should lose his damn scar at once!
He's lying
He's lying
He's lyiiiiiiing.
The kid's deranged
He can spew out his pain til he dies.
It appears he has lost every trace of regard
For those he's hurting
He's deserting
Every expectation
That wizards would ever have thought
A boy with his problem would shun.
Are so estranged
That it shouldn't come as a surprise
That his relations he would discard
To solve his problems.
He runs around getting us all afraid
Seems nothing impresses his thirst
For having all his greed obeyed.
The truth is he's just a liar
Between his mad fits
And his insistence
That Voldemort's back,
He's shown he's (spreads his arms out) this dense.
He doesn't deserve them one bit
Though it seems that he is quite a noble young boy,
That good perception
Is the fault of deception,
Come, let's do the math
The boy has let people die off.
He's just a vicious sociopath.
Don't cry for Harry James Potter
The truth is he's just a liar
Because of his fits
And his insistence
That Voldemort's back,
Of him we'll dispense.
And by the time we're done, you all will know that Harry Potter's fame is through!
There is much more to observe.
He has used much more than Weasleys and corruption
He has helped Sirius Black!
When men for whom Voldie was Lord
Start working with young Potter's side.
But that despicable Lord is dead…
Look who they are following now.
Heir to Voldemort…
Was Black on all the shores.
He was cooped up for years
But unaffected
By Dementors
He had to see who was coming into power.
Black knew on sight he
Really just might be
Heir to Voldemort
Did he imagine, we have to wonder
Potter was the sort
To soon become the Boy-Who-Lived-and-Lied!
At Hogwarts, the third year
That Potter was attending
People thought he wanted him dead.
Well, they met, but it's not Potter who died.
What did Black do,
To go to Azkaban?
For blasting old Pete Pettigrew,
They locked up the crazy man
Who laughed all the way through going to jail.
Totally errant,
Killed Harry's parents…
That's what Black was before his arrest
But Potter quite easily dwarfed him
As far as lies and cheating went.
Didn't care if his parents
Had been killed by Black
And his huge lack of care went
Too far in its acting out.
On Black's money and house he was bent.
It's a bad name to be attached to
The story is tragic, though
Boy-Who-Lived befriends the Man-Who-Killed.
It's too bad that young Potter
Couldn't see his crimes.
Black was mad, but that didn't
Make Potter upset at all.
Long as he got gold, no beans were spilled.
The reasons Potter's heart did bleed
For his friend Sirius
He got his show on the road
And made it obvious that morals meant nil to him!
Bog imps
Grindylows
Pog-re-bins
And Boggarts -
Things that you should not
Ever bother.
That list includes werewolves
Such as this one teacher
He was a dark creature
Of a very bad type.
He taught all the students
But vanished on the full moon
When at the same object he'd howl and croon.
Bog imps
Grindylows
Pog-re-bins
And Boggarts -
Things that you should not
Ever bother.
And he taught Harry Potter
The spells that were used in the Dark Arts
Such as Patronus charms
Which fight off Dementors.
Did more than teaching
He was already reaching
Right out to Black,
Monsters run together
One gets out on the full moon
The other just murders…
So to see his old friend's son and Sir-i-us he was glad
Potter learned Patronus
And then he helped his mentor Black to escape
It can make you gape
That he let Black run off
In spite of that one fact that the parents that he lacked
Were lost 'cause of Sirius
Were lost 'cause of Sirius
Were lost 'cause of that damn Sir-i-us Black.…
Well, fellow wizards,
I give you the Potter and Weasley business.
He owned quite a mansion, but his true value
Was it supplied them Doxy venom too.
The Dark Arts stuff the Blacks kept wasn't that measly
And it gave Potter and his new business partners much to use.
And the place, it graced the twins with help for sure
When with other business they did compete
Without the Dark Arts, they'd have been beat.
But more important, Dumble's subversive bird order
Found Grimmauld Place far too convenient to refuse.
Their ingenuity does impress!
Their business booms
Their products are great
But the secrets behind
Them are a Dark Arts mess.
We can't trust those damn Weasleys
The fact that Potter's on their side
Should make them suspiciously eyed.
And who would ever buy a product from them now?
They're the meanest sweets anyone could have picked
But what's in them must surely addict.
No warning label! The villainy shocks us!
They don't tell the truth about their products…that seems odd.
Can you believe
They're buying these sweets?
They're actually buying these sweets.
Well, my viewers, it seems it's an awful mistake.
You expect some harmless snacks,
Instead your nose will bleed, or you'll puke.
Why anyone would eat such really dreadful sweets
Is something that will have us on the edge of our seats
But sadly, there's no answer we can connect
With why these sweets are things that students all applaud.
Their ingenuity does impress.
Their business booms
Their products are great
But the secrets behind
Them are a Dark Arts, controlled substance mess.
To the headless hats
These are funny if you've had many drinks
But otherwise they cause a really frightening jinx.
The people lose their heads, and much more than that
They themselves lose sight of these body parts…
They must grope.
Face the facts, these products are sinister
I don't think we'll look at the toffees there
They'd probably get little children scared.
These might cause concern for the minister.
Will these pranks soon pose lesser danger?
We can hope.
Their ingenuity does impress.
Their business booms
Their products are great
But the secrets behind
Them are a Dark Arts mess, you know
A mess, you know
A mess, you know.
Let's hear it for the Weasley twins,
Their ingenuity does impress.
Their business booms
Their products are great
But the secrets behind
Them are a Dark Arts mess
Who the hell do those red-haired devils think they are?
Making these awful things, what kind of occupation is that?
If you want to make jokes, you must first develop humor.
If they keep on making this stuff, then we had better boycott all their products.
Thus all lackeys meet their fate
Black was becoming not so great
There seems to have been a falling out
What else could this scene be about?
My, how these two began to change
Isn't the consequence very strange?
My, how these two began to change
Isn't the consequence very strange?
He wouldn't lick at the shoes of his godson with such fervor.
Potter was resident at his manor, he lost his claim to his property
Potter didn't get it for free
Well, he couldn't get it for free.
He was on the move
Potter wanted him gone.
He would not be used and thrown aside
By Harry Potter
But what happened, we're not sure.
But now he's dead.
When Potter recovered from his massive lack of his fame
He did it with interviews, and they caused subversive thoughts
But a source to trust Harry Potter was totally not!
When the Prophet closed its doors, he went straight to The Quibbler!
And the letters kept rolling in, to praise or chide.
Potter got the wizard world scared and wide-eyed
Now, you may think his story caused the wizard world to laugh
But that's not the case, my friends.
See, when Potter wants something said,
You don't ask why.
After all, we must show pity 'cause his parents died.
Never mind that he is just dishonest to the core
Everyone believed the claims of their hero, Harry Potter!
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling on in
Rolling on in
Rolling on in
Rolling on in, on in!
If you believed Voldie rose (indicates The Quibbler) from his description
At The Quibbler you should have taken a subscription
For The Prophet didn't listen to him, they had sense
It was tosh, that they knew, my friends
From the looks of the interview, to scare young Potter was trying
It disguises the fact he was so clearly lying.
No one saw through his overt and obvious pretense
Name me anyone who lies as well as Harry Potter!
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling on in!
Rolling on in!
Rolling on in, on in!
And the letters kept rolling in from all opinions
From the gullible and those most fictional of Voldie's minions.
Now, cynics claimed he should have tried some shock spells as a cure
But that's not the case, my friends
As the letters kept rolling in, they changed their tone
It was almost as if Voldemort was clearly known.
Potter used his lies and deceit quite well, yeah, that's for sure.
Never been a guy like the Boy-Who-Lied Harry Potter!
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling on in!
Rolling on in!
Rolling on in!
Rolling on in, on in!
When the letters keep rolling in, what can one assume?
He's succeeded in his cock and bull tale of doom.
But how on earth can people buy such huge misinformation?
And such degradation?
It's a lie which is really unfair to the folks he's blaming
Since nobody can quite disprove the crap he's claiming.
Oh, what bliss to finally have back all his adulation!
Never been an egotist like Harry Potter!
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling on in!
Rolling on in!
Rolling on in!
Rolling on in!
Rolling on in!
Rolling on in, on in!
"Now, Harry Potter,
You've been a lone voice of truth
We believe you.
We hope Voldie goes straight to hell
We're hoping that you can defeat him again as well.
Wow, Harry Potter
You have made the choice of truth
Be our guidance, be our prophet who'll
Tell us his every report
On the goings on with Lord Voldemort."
You've been a lone voice of truth
We believe you.
We hope Voldie goes straight to hell
We're hoping that you can defeat him again as well.
Wow, Harry Potter
You have made the choice of truth
Be our guidance, be our prophet who'll
Tell us his every report
On the goings on with Lord Voldemort."
Keep telling lies.
I'm quite impressed with your lying
Umbridge was beaten, since then
It seems that you've convinced them
That you're not really lying
You're telling the truth.
Harry, Harry James Potter
We're quite impressed with your lying
Umbridge was beaten, since then
It seems that you've convinced them
That you're not really lying
You're telling the truth.
Harry, Harry James Potter
We're quite impressed with your lying
Umbridge was beaten, since then
It seems that you've convinced them
That you're not really lying
You're telling the truth.
Tell me, before this film comes to its close
Before we stop attacking your past
Forgive me for being such a skeptic
But just how much trust do you think you have amassed?
Tell me, before I tell all of your story
Do you really think you're so great?
Your lies do all things except stick,
So how do you manage to keep all your fibbing and wild stories straight?
Before showing them how rotten you are
How can you ever believe that
You've done the right thing when you have gone too far?
Tell me, before you are kicked from your high horse
Just what you think this can achieve
I don't care for your supporters
I'm not interested in them,
But in all of the reasons you've made so many people grieve.
There in that face
Dark arts using
Kids like young Potter
Do not bear refusing.
That smile's a glower
Corrupted by power,
It's scary
Better to fight
For the gold than the light
Is the doctrine of Harry.
While we expose all of your lies,
How can you be so damn blighted
As to look for no more than your sickles or galleons
To not care for being good or wise?
And mark your adieu with a smile.
You're the one who should be indicted
You're the cause of almost all of this world's problems
Like Voldemort's return
You just will not be spurned
Even if evil is top of the pile!
There in that face
Dark arts using
Kids like young Potter
Do not bear refusing.
You should be unknown now
But truly you've shown now
You're ruthless!
Stop with the blame!
I wish Lily and James
Had a daughter
Not you, Potter.
All the doom and hate he's unfurled
Has been no good
That's well understood.
Why, with his total distaste for life
And his penchant for terror and strife
Should Potter be loved? Does someone know why?
But on the other hand
He's mad as hell
He is a monster
In the lives we live.
And that's the hardest sort of
Child for someone to forgive.
And when you think about it, can you believe
His sheer skill to lie, cheat us and deceive.
Have had fallings out.
He's in a struggle for the power they both want!
Example
Attacked Arthur Weasley
Kept his sons in line
And when you think about it, what a mistake
To believe a boy who can talk to snakes!
He's losing strength
He's back on top within the public eye
But I would advise every wizard watching to deny
All the stories he has fed us to cause fear
To such a kid we shouldn't be endeared.
We should dislike Potter, that is clear.
His evil power's slowly breaking down
He's losing out
To skeptics who are tired
And Albus Dumbledore
Should have been retired
A long time ago up at Hogwarts School
We should demand impeaching the bloody fool!
Both wizards are round the bend
They both are mad
We need someone much saner
I, Vladimir Moore
Am sure what is in store
Will see Harry Potter defeated.
We must all learn
For his fame not to yearn
It's not worth it.
How do we stop the lies?
We've gotta stop his pretensions of good
He's telling lies, that is understood
We must know what's true.
What do we do for a hero to love?
How do we give Harry Potter the shove
As we ought to do?
Things have been going too far
Everything that you've been seeing
Shows Potter is no star.
We must stop him.
How can he mean anything anymore?
You've seen it all with myself, Vlad T. Moore.
Nothing was true.
Things have been going too far
Everything that you've been seeing
Shows Potter is no star.
We must stop him
We must stop him.
He's not really moral, not someone we needed
For the wizard conscience.
I am sorry you fell for his lies.
It is true he's a boy who has done much in life.
But it was evil.
Let him be known
As a boy who caused good, but who was just ruthless
Right the way to his bones.
The truth is, he's not worth our tears
Though it may seem frightening that he was lying
With Dumbledore he now has been vying.
But about his deceit, I've only this to say,
His cover-ups…just…wow…
He's done his share
But fame can go to your head
And it seems that it has done that
To this "Boy-Who-Lived."
The chance is ours
And ours completely
Here in his friction with old Dumbledore
We could fight back for magic which is honest, or more
Or else, or else we could be beat.
His sixth year is our chance to take the make him lose
So what we can do is make him admit he's false
He will display the truth that it's a ruse.
Our curses on him don't leave a scar.
You can cry for a hero in decline
Hang your head because he didn't shine
His strength, his power, it was great.
And now he's gone too far
Our curses on him don't leave a scar.
Potter shall be stilled
In lying and deceiving
And-
Here, boss, here you go-
Kill the camera! Kill the camera! The transformation is starting - kill the son of a bitchin' camer-
Kill the camera! Kill the camera! Now!
Too late, sir! This is all going out live…
It's going out live? It's going out live? You're not going out live, you son of a bitch! Avada Kedavra!
Harry Potter the Musical(s)