Fody Killed My Parents

Copyright 2004 by Jason LeBouef

Here's a rather silly bit of "Fan-Filk-tion" by Jason LeBouef.

Chapter 1: The Story

Harry had another long day at school… Double Potions, Double Divination, double homework from each and to top it off, Quidditch practice. With hardly any time to study or even stop and talk, he walks right up to his dormitory, climbs into bed and dozes off.

He fell asleep very quickly and began to dream. While the recurring dreams of the long corridor and the prophecy room in the Ministry of Magic have stopped, another recurring dream kept haunting him.

He was standing in Knockturn Alley. Several strange witches and wizards had passed him by and there he saw…

"Haga!" Harry shouted. "Haga?" he thought to himself. That was odd, he knew in his mind to say "Hagrid" but the words wouldn't come out of him. "What's wrong with me?" He thought.

"Hally!" Hagrid shouted.

"Hally?" Thought Harry.

A second passed as he blacked out and Harry was now in Diagon Alley

"SHELLY!" said Harry. "Shelly?".. "Mily!" he shouted again. "Strange" Harry thought. "Why did I call Hermione, Shelly?"

"How do you do Shelly?" Hagrid asked.

"Haga." Said Harry, "Why are we talking this way?"

"Why… I dunno, Hally." Said Hagrid, "We mus' be dreamin' or somethin'."

As soon as the last word come out of his mouth, Diagon Alley disappeared. He began seeing flashbacks of his life, as if inside of his own Pensieve. As the scenes spun into view, music began to play and it felt as though he was trapped in what the Muggles call a "Music Video".

Chapter 2: The Filk
(to the tune of Do Ya Think I'm Sexy by Rod Stewart)

HARRY:
Haga!

HERMIONE
Hega!

HARRY (worried)
Ohhhh….

(verse1) He's on my bed, that family angel Dobby
He says some trick will start something destructive

UNCLE VERNON
You and that pair… don't think you're going nowhere

RON
Don't you just know, I live with man-made products

(chorus) HARRY
Hey there Ruxis Maphel
Fody killed my parents
It was nothing serious

LUCIUS
Are you really stupid?
They are all just melons

HARRY
Damn! The train we can't control
Can't control it, baby

Verse2

RON: Oh Shit! I cried, look at my magic stick now

SNAPE:
Seven melons saw, and you will be expelled

MCGONNAGAL
Now hold on a minute, please Professor Snell
Jumbliduo, will know just how to handle

DRACO:
Don't talk to me, you dirty filthy melon

RON:
For that little fellow.. And now you eat the crickets

(chorus) HARRY
Hey there Ruxis Maphel
Fody killed my parents
It was nothing serious

LUCIUS
Are you really stupid?
They are all just melons

HARRY
Damn! The train we can't control

(Bridge) HARRY
Wenjadanlaweilaya

DRACO
Cause at last, a melon is dying

RON:
And we're doing it… in the women's room

Sax Solo - Verse 3

HAGRID
They will get stoned, if we don't help the melons

LOCKHART
End of adventure, it's time to say good bye-bye

HARRY
Are you the monster who stoned the cat and melons

TOM RIDDLE
I will not have, dirty name of melon father
Tom Mafle Rudi, but my name is really Fody

HARRY (To Fawkes)
You saved my life, you are a good bird Fodi

(chorus) HARRY
Hey there Ruxis Maphel
Fody killed my parents
It was nothing serious

LUCIUS
Are you really stupid?
They are all just melons

HARRY
Damn! The train we can't control

song fade, Harry mumbles in his sleep...

Shelly…..

Am I really stupid
We are all just melons
Damn! The train we can't control
We are really really really really melons
We can't control
We are all just melons
Am I really stupid
We are all just melons
Damn! The train we can't control
Am I really stupid
We are all just melons
Damn! The train we can't control
We are.. we are… we are…

music fades and all goes black

Chapter 3: Awake

"Harry! Harry! Wake up!" Ron shouted.

"We are… we are… we are… we… " Harry mumbled as Ron shook him.

"Harry, wake up! What's wrong?" asked Ron

Harry opened his eyes.

"Oh… " Harry panted, "I must've been dreaming or something."

"It was really bizzare." Ron whispered, "Sounded like you were singing something… Something about a train, melons and someone named Fody."

"I'm not sure, Ron." Said Harry quietly, "It felt like I was… in a… what the Muggles call a music video. Where actors play different parts with different names, and Muggle music playing in the background."

"Oh." said Ron, "I've heard about those. My dad says he's seen something like that. Maybe it's because you grew up with Muggles."

"Very strange, Ron. Well, at least that's better than that bloody corridor."


Miscellany

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